WOW, it’s been A LONG time! I hope all of you haven’t disappeared due to the general flakeyness of my personality and lack of blogging discipline. For my first blog in a while (a long while..) I wanted to write something really tongue in cheek, and something fun, but equally something that floats around in my head occasionally when I’m in that, lying in bed, debating whether to get up or not stage.
So let’s go straight in! The title probably says it all, “What I’d do if I had robot legs for a day!” – Now semi-related, I was watching a documentary yesterday about AI and Robots, and how the US are developing robots to weaponise, which is BLOODY SCARY! Request – Please sort out an awesome “chappie” style body suit to strap to me so I can climb stairs and get into a normal toilet cubicle before you start building war-bots. PLEASE!
Robots aside, say a magic leg fairy popped up and granted me 5 leg based wishes, these are the random things I’d wish for… ENJOY!
- GO TO A METAL GIG AND JUMP AROUND IN THE PIT – SO this is for teenage Kelly, and I know what people are probably thinking, why don’t you just do that anyway… I have, and I will again, however theres something more appealing to be free to jump around as you please, at your own risk! Which differs slightly from being at armpit sweat ring level, getting kicked in the head by crowd surfers and being watched WAY TOO closely by security, who are trying to walk the line between health and safety, and my own bubble wrapped enjoyment.
- ROAD RUN – To go for a road run, now this is MASSIVELY cliche, but I always envy the road runners, in all their luminous sports wear, with their arm strapped iPods and their apple watches telling them when to stand, sit, breathe etc. I’d love to go out, without a route, listening to crappy Nu Metal tunes and just run about for a bit, getting home probably freezing, as no one who road runs wears a jacket because they want to show off their high-tech arm gadgets! I’d then sit in front of the fire, read and probably think.. balls to doing that EVER again but still. I’d like to try it please.
- RENT AN APARTMENT – WITH LOADS OF STAIRS! I would rent a loft apartment, literally with the most annoying stair-like stairs ever! Literally I’d take a loft ladder. I want creaky floor boards, dripping ceilings and everything to be covered in now-hipster magic carpets. I’d get out of bed, (preferably a mattress floor bed) let my feet touch the floor, walk over to the rusty sink and the limescale kettle and make shitty coffee and I’d be happy. Then I’d probably do a little jump, just for the fun of it. Or maybe some star jumps.. or LUNGES!
- CLIMB SOMETHING! When I used to walk around a bit as a kid I could climb a few stairs, and I did often because I always had a point to prove, or I was trying to be ridiculously independent for very little reason. I’d probably pick one of those rope spider web things at the park, because even when I was little I couldn’t master those, I used to just stand on the bottom rope and bounce up and down. Feeling like I was getting SOME enjoyment from it, but I knew being at the top was some sort of kid-ecstacy that I never got to try.
- GET IN A FIGHT! See I’ve actually been in a couple of “fights” before, 1. Teenagers over the field drinking, as you do, *verbal fight with another girl starts* her best insult “If you’re so hard, stand up then!”… I stand up, loose my footing, and fall over. Smooth. My second fight, I was drunk and it did actually get physical! I GOT SLAPPED IN THE FACE… and I laughed, and she was scared, because I laughed, and then she walked away. SO, I want a fight, or AT LEAST to give someone a kick.
So that marks the end of my first blog of 2017, as strange as it may be! I hope it gives you all a probably not needed, or requested insight into my strange mind. As I said, this blog is VERY tongue in cheek, and in no way meant to make any of you with fully functioning legs feel bad for me, feel proud of your legs, and maybe do a little star jump for me!
…AND to all the other amazing people in chairs, let me know about your robo-leg fantasies! (@kellypeebz).